Clearly, as this image shared by one of my clients demonstrates, zucchini has a reputation as a bit of a problem in the family vegetable plot. "Death by Zucchini" is the creative genius (and possibly an act of artistic protest) of some North Portland neighborhood kids.
Too much zucchini happens to the best of us. In fact, many wonderful people I've known during my decades in Portland have tried to pawn gargantuan zucchini off on me when things got out of control in their gardens. In an A to Z guide to vegetables, a McSweeney's writer offers a shrewd warning, "Zucchini has friends. Don't get on its bad side."
If you are facing down adult-human-calf-sized fruits, do not lose hope. There are many ways to eat zucchini–fritters, roasted spears, carpaccio-style, zoodled, pickled, baked into bread, muffins, or cake–and you can always shred and freeze it to make some of those things in the depths of winter.
I've got one special recipe that you'll have to try to believe: Zucchini Panini (aka zucchini grilled cheese). If you're also under the thumb of your tomato plants, make a soup, then grill up some sandies and start dipping.